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I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills
Like a...Earth... it's like a drive-in burger bar for hungry space travellers.My signalling organ is permanently set to 'silent mode'.Not going to work - you need to use an internationally recognised...
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Hard-core scorn
Anyway, she can't chat long. She's just off to the pet shop. Wants to buy a couple of dogs, apparently.It'll be good when you're married and you can just just be yourself.I'm gender non-binary....
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Sexual kneeling
Mmm... concussion play.To be fair, she did promise Simon a blow-job. So don't dawdle.They did a guy last year who - purely by coincidence - actually developed tonsillitis two weeks later. It took...
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Utopian dystopia
... or should that be the other way around? More visions of a possible future, anyway, lots more here.
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A fairy-tale romance
... with me as the frog.She's trying to de-clutter.Should last her until the spring, her favourite time of the year, when the first fresh green nettles start to arrive.It's probably that damn dog. The...
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Unmancipation
When I first started dating my SO, I'd often finish before She had a chance to come, but now things are more under control She typically has oh... two, three...maybe even four hundred orgasms before...
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They can beg and they can plead
...but they can't see the light.Are you sitting uncomfortably? Then she'll begin.You're actually already halfway through the session. Might as well finish off.Good. Good. I expect she'll be chucking...
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Violence is golden
Actually, I understand a day is like a whole beetle year. So in beetle years, you've got, what... 6 minutes left, maybe longer? And it's not like you'll be dying all in one go, anyway.I don't have...
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Doing it Her way
He doesn't look very brave.Actually, men in relationships always hate it when their partners throw out their stuff. I remember the day my SO sent all my clothes to the charity shop. I cried for days...
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She's pure as New York snow
and if you're lucky I expect she'll tease you.I expect she was just joking. Like the castration stuff - you shouldn't take her too seriously when she says things like that.Well, OK, as long as I don't...
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Reality show
What am I wearing? You want to know what I’m wearing you fucking pervert?OK, I’m wearing a check shirt and a pair of loose jeans. What? No, I’m not going to tell you what underwear, asswipe. But...
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Demeaningful statements
Not much of a twist in the storyline in that caption I'll admit, but sometimes the expression is just, perfectly right.And they say romance is dead. Watch out for the bottom-pinchers.If they manage to...
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I beg to differ
... but she rarely lets me.I don't want to do anything she disapproves of. It's too painful.Always expect the unexpected. Except on this blog, where we ran out of ideas years ago and just keep...
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When you're in a fix
just call for the men in tights!Well... those are two of her spanking aprons, anyway. She has more.You never know when you'll need to do some sudden washing up in the middle of the night.Hmm.. Turned...
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Spousework
Very sensible of her to discuss it straight away, so they can sort whatever it is out and get on with their marriage.I suppose it's good that she's finally getting more use out of them. Normally, she...
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In the morning...
...when the madness has faded.Oh, yeah, it was good, thanks. Well, it was kind-of good, but it was kind-of weird, too.See, I picked up these two German guys – at Anaconda, you know, that new bar by...
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Pet sounds
Let's hope she's not trying for a multiple orgasm today.If they do a good job, she'll probably want to buy the monthly pass. Works out a lot cheaper.Hi Belinda. You know, about pain play... I've been...
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Man is a political animal
... but do we really want to let animals vote?More visions of a saner political future than our crazy, testosterone-fuelled present. More can be found by clicking "bit of politics" in the word cloud...
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The other was me and I'm a boy
Never quite sure what The Who were complaining about in that song. Looks to me like an idyllic childhood.You can earn free hair grips and stuff when you spend money too - pretty cool, huh?She tries so...
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That would be funny...
... if it weren't so sad.Actually, there's a perfectly simple explanation. Just tell her you're a pervert.You can get quite sweaty dressed up like that. Hope the other guests have brought plenty of...
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